


Old Wounds

by queen_scribbles



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Gen, mentions of past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 19:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12115926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_scribbles/pseuds/queen_scribbles
Summary: A piece of her past shows up at Caed Nua and Tavi has to deal with the fallout from one of her biggest mistakes.





	Old Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> Another Pillars prompts weekly fill, about an ex of the Watcher showing up at Caed Nua now that you're famous and stuff(paraphrasing :P). Tavi's my only fleshed out Watcher with an ex, so she got this one by default.

Tavi made it three hours before she started squirming. _Note to self,_ she thought wryly, _buy more cushions for this fuckin’ chair._ Just because Caed Nua’s throne was well-made didn’t mean it was a comfortable seat for hours on end. _You’re just grouchy Aloth’s gone._ The thought was as unwelcome as it was true, and Tavi scowled before she caught herself.

“Everything alright, m’lady?” the elven farmer before her asked.

“Just not used to sitting still so long,” Tavi assured her. “Continue.”

“Oh, that was all of it, m’lady. We just wanted t’ thank you for the soldiers you sent to bolster our militia. We haven’t had near as much trouble with bandits.”

“So that all wasn’t lead up to askin’ for a favor?” Tavi raised an eyebrow. _Makes you the first today..._

“No, m’lady.” The farmer shook her head. “We just wanted to thank you. A couple of th’ ladies who’re good at weavin’ made you this.” She unwrapped the bundle she’d carried under her arm to reveal a dark green cloak, trimmed in deep red and russet orange.

“Thank you,” Tavi smiled. “It looks like a fine gift. I’m sure it’ll do a grand job keepin’ me warm. You can leave it with one of the guards by the door when you leave.” That was one of the things she hated most; everything she was gifted had to be checked before she could use it or wear it or eat it. But there had been a couple attempts--one that came close enough to succeeding Aloth wouldn’t let her out of his sight for a whole week afterwards--so this was a necessary precaution.

The elven farmer seemed to understand, though. “Of course, m’lady.” She bowed and started back toward the doorway. “Thank you again for everything you’ve done for us.”

“Who’s next?” Tavi asked, somewhat absently, as her attention was mostly on attempting to rub the knots out of her lower back.

“The captain of an adventuring company from Old Vailia, Watcher,” the Steward replied.

“They’re a long way from home,” Tavi muttered. “Did they give a name for their company?”

“Silversteel, I believe,” the Steward said, and Tavi’s stomach promptly tied itself in no fewer than four knots.

“Silversteel?” she whispered, suddenly and desperately missing Aloth. If part of her past she’d thought long behind her was about to saunter back into her life, she wanted the most important part of her future with her. For back-up. But Aloth had left to hunt the Leaden Key, no amount of wishing would bring him back, and it might be nice to see Maren again, anyway.

So with a deep, steeling breath, Tavi nodded. “Show them in.”

To her deep and complete surprise, however, the individual the guards let it was not a grizzled blonde dwarven woman. It was instead a tall, well-muscled human man, his dark hair cropped close, a patch Tavi didn’t remember covering his right eye.

For a few protracted seconds, the only words her brain could form were _Oh. **Shit.**_ before she mentally scrambled back into her role as Watcher of Caed Nua. “You’re the captain of Silversteel, then?”

“Aye, my lady.” Gods, she couldn’t tell if he was smirking ever so slightly or if it was the scar--that she didn’t remember, either--tugging up one side of his mouth. He place one fist over his heart and bowed. “Everin Truscot at your service.”

“And what brings you to Caed Nua all the way from Old Vailia?” Tavi asked.

Everin shrugged and crossed his arms. “Your fame has spread even to my country, and we figured a lady of your reputation would like as not have work for a company like ours.”

Tavi smiled thinly. “Adventurers? I do my own adventuring, Captain Everin.”

“Oh, we do far more than just adventuring, my lady Watcher.” Now he _was_ smirking. “Bodyguards, backing up an overworked militia, bounty hunting, we have an extensive skill set.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll need a couple days to think about your offer.” Part of her couldn’t believe she’d even conceded that much. “You can lodge here, Captain, if you wish.”

“Thank you, my lady.” Fist to chest, he bowed again. “I believe I’ll take you up on that.”

The ringing silence as he left was stark contrast to the cacophony inside her head.

>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<

Tavi made it another hour listening to petitions and praise before she had to end for the day. Between various sore spots and knowledge _Everin was **here**_ , she couldn’t concentrate. Everin was _here_ , she was going to have to confront one of her biggest mistakes--and few regrets--because he was _staying_ in her _keep_.

 _I need some air._ It was all she could do to walk to the door--no point in alarming her staff by bolting.  The clear blue sky that greeted her was somewhat calming as was the comforting swish of grass under her boots. And then she spotted him.

Everin was sitting on a boulder near the wall, a familiar small leather-bound book balanced on one knee as he sketched across its pages with charcoal.

“I’d think you’d be on a new sketchbook by now,” she commented as she approached. _Might as well get this over with..._

“Went through a rough patch a few years back,” Everin replied, not looking at her as he flipped the book closed and returned it to a pouch on his belt. “Didn’t feel much like drawing.”

Tavi winced. _I deserved that._ “What happened to Maren?”

He snorted a sardonic laugh as he stood and crossed his arms. “Hello Ev, it’s been awhile Ev, how’ve you been since I broke your heart, Ev... so many options and you ask about _Maren_? Still running scared from your emotions, huh, Tav?”

“Oh, stuff it,” Tavi growled, guilt prickling up her spine. _You wanna go hostile, I’ll go hostile._ “We can unpack the shit between us later. Maren was the closest thing I had to a friend for five years and I wanna know what the fuck happened to her!”

“She retired,” Everin said coolly. “Lost half an arm in the same fight I lost my eye-” he tapped the scar that ran from his forehead back to the corner of his jaw- “took it as a sign she was s’pposed to get out of the adventuring business, cashed her share and went to live with her sisters. Prob’ly just as well; dunno how well she would’ve managed that crossbow of hers with one hand.”

“Please, it’s _Maren_.” Tavi rolled her eyes. “If she’d wanted to make it work, she’d’ve made it fuckin’ work. She wanted to retire. Which made you captain. So who’s your second?”

“Yelena,” Everin said. “She’s been with the group the longest, knows how to play diplomat, can handle herself in a fight.”

“Yeah, Lena’s a good choice,” Tavi nodded, memory of the sturdy redhead flashing through her mind. “And I’m sure you’re doin’ great as captain, Ev. you always did have a good head for leadership.”

“What’re you getting at, Tavi?” Everin crossed his arms.

 _Still reads me like a fuckin’ book,_ she groused to herself. “Why are you here, Everin? Did all the adventuring jobs in Old Vailia and the Republics dry up?  ‘Cause I vaguely remember there being more work than we knew what to do with when I left.”

“A good captain looks out for his men,” Everin replied, voice even, but something flickered in his good eye. “We’ve heard about you all the way in Old Vailia, Tavi. For your reputation to spread that far-”

“You figured I was fuckin’ loaded and could pay better money than anyone in Old Vailia would?” she finished for him.

“Well... yes.” He shrugged. “Part of being a leader means looking out for my people. You learn that lesson yet, Tavi? Looking out for other people?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Ev,” she growled. “It’s fuckin’ petty. You know damn well I did plenty of lookin’ out and watchin’ your back when I was with Silversteel. I get that I hurt you, but don’t you fuckin’ dare lie about me.” She glared at him, still hating how much she had to look up to do it. “You tryin’ to guilt me into givin’ you work? ‘Cause you of all people know that doesn’t fuckin’ work on me.”

“No.” Everin sighed, ran a hand over his hair. He seemed to wilt a little. “I didn’t come here to fight with you, or try and guilt you into something. I _am_ hoping you’ll give us a job, but because you know Silversteel’s a damn good company, not because you feel like you _owe_ me anything.”

“Well, I do owe you one thing,” Tavi conceded, raking her fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry I broke your heart, Ev. I’ve always been-”

“-Shit with words,” he finished for her, slight smile tugging his lips. “I remember.”

Tavi laughed and nodded. “And worse with emotions. I’m not makin’ excuses; I did the wrong thing, you got hurt, and I’m sorry.”

Everin was quiet for a long moment before nodding. “I appreciate that, and I accept. Doesn’t make the past hurt any less, of course. But it might help for the future.”

“How so?” Tavi asked cautiously, narrowing her eyes as that knot formed again in her stomach.

Everin shrugged, leaning against the wall of the keep and absently picking at a hangnail. “Well, if you hire Silversteel, maybe, eventually, we can see where things go with us...”

The knot tightened. “You still...?”

He met her gaze steadily. “Why do you think it hurt so badly? My feelings didn’t go away just because you couldn’t handle them.” 

Her throat closed up. That was a fair point. And even three years from when she’d last seen him, she knew the man well enough to tell he was being more open with her than he was with most people. Which made her feel like shit for what she had to say. “I.. I can’t, Ev.”

He straightened, stiffly, expression closing off. “Course not. Why did I ever think you would change?”

“It’s not like that!” Tavi snapped defensively. “I-I already have someone.”

“Sure,” Everin muttered, muscle in his jaw twitching. “ _That_ makes sense, with what I know about you.”

“People change,” she retorted. “And it’s not like I went lookin’ to replace you. I was just tryin’ to survive, fate threw us together, he helped me with the savin’ the world shit, and... things just happened. I wasn’t fuckin’ _expectin’_ to fall in l-” Tavi stopped herself. No sense rubbing salt in old wounds.

But it was too late. “You?” Everin scoffed, gaze turning stormy. “The woman who took _three fucking years_ to admit to me that maybe, just maybe, what we had went beyond friendship, somehow fell in love with someone in less than _one_?! I’m supposed to _believe_ that?”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you believe me or not,” Tavi shot back, genuinely getting angry now. “It’s the truth. Like I said, people change! Maybe I was tryin’ to avoid the mistakes I made with you!”

“Well, then,” Everin said coolly, posture still stiff. “I’d love to meet the lucky man, if he’s here.”

Tavi raised her chin, hearing the challenge in the words. “You just missed him, actually. He left a couple of days ago to deal with... something personal.”

“Convenient.”

“Everin, if you imply I’m lying _one more **gods-damned**_ time-”

“Not what I meant,” he cut her off.

“Then what did you mean?” Tavi crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“I _meant_ convenient he has something to do that takes precedence over staying to help _you_.”

“He’s helped me plenty,” she informed him. “And what he’s doin’ is important. Shit, I’d rather be out with him than here. You can say whatever you damn well please about me--gods know I deserve it--but you leave Aloth out of this. He’s a good man, who’s already been through more shit than anyone should have to deal with in a lifetime, and I don’t want you trash talking him ‘cause you’re pissed at me.”

Everin was quiet for several long, awkward seconds they both spent not looking each other in the eye. “...I’m sorry, Tavi. I thought I had a better handle on this. Apparently old wounds run deep and hadn’t healed as much as I thought they had. I really cared about you, and you walked away, and I guess that lingers. But I shouldn’t have implied you were lying. Or disparaged your current beau.” He held out a hand to shake. “For that I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Tavi said, noting the scars that criscrossed his hand as she shook it. She didn’t remember those, either. _What did you do to yourself after I left, Ev?_

“So, Aloth, huh?” Everin said after a brief pause. “Sounds like a prissy Aedyran noble.”

Tavi snorted a laugh and started walking, tugging Everin’s arm so he would walked with her. “Swap noble for wizard and you’re not wrong.”

Everin threw his head back and laughed. “Tavi Illani fell in love with an Aedyran. Much as it would’ve hurt to watch, I almost wish I could have seen that play out. It’s... so the opposite of you.”

“He wasn’t _that_ prissy,” Tavi protested, then cleared her throat. “For long. Just... we both did some growing over the course of our adventures, and the Aloth who left a couple days ago was not the same Aloth I met in Gilded Vale. And the Tavi who watched him go was not the same Tavi who first met him.”

“Well, I’m... happy for you. Still wish it had worked with you and me, but I’m happy you’re happy.” He kicked a pebble, watched it bounce and tumble.

“And I’ll keep buggin’ Hylea until you get to be happy like this,” Tavi replied, snapping off a tall blade of grass and absently tying it in knots. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks.”

There was still a measure of underlying tension when they went their separate ways, but the rawness of it had begun to fade. 

>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<

When Everin left a couple days later, he carried a folded parchment contracting Silversteel to aid a village in Yenwood that had an ogre problem. With her companions scattered to the corners of the map and the weight of leadership pressing on her shoulders, Tavi’s couldn’t deal with it herself. And Silversteel had always enjoyed a challenge.

Despite her busy schedule, Tavi took a few minutes to watch Everin leave. As the morning mist swallowed him up, it felt like closure. An uneasy question mark from her past written over with a definitive ending, the spectre of her biggest past regret finally laid to rest. 

 _Time to focus on the future,_ Tavi thought with a smile as the last traces of Everin’s silhouette disappeared from view, And much as she wished that future involved traveling with a certain wizard, so far it only looked to include settling in as the Watcher of Caed Nua. 

She started down the steps, running a hand along the cool stone as she went. _I can work with that._

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone curious, Everin is a chanter, and he looks roughly like Chadwick Boseman.


End file.
